Chicago, again

Bodhisattvas skillfully have a way of being there while getting there, every step of the way
The Tao Te Ching tells us to realize that life flows right through us
right now and there’s no where to go
nothing to get and all is perfect as it is
Trust and let it be

I find myself, once again, going through my dresser drawers
cleaning out extra things
things never used
just like I was doing six years ago
when I got sick and I was facing the clinical trial in Chicago I started clearing out drawers and things I had hung onto since childhood because the possibility of not coming home was very real
I wanted to give my nieces purses and costume jewelry
things that had meant something to me even though they didn’t have monetary value
but were sentimental favorites
I knew Michael would have no way of knowing or of being able to divvy it up
I cleared out boxes of letters from childhood friends
notes from boyfriends long forgotten
baby pictures and mementos that no longer seem to necessary to keep
here I am six years later doing the same process and heading to Chicago
but this time to live
It seems serendipitous for sure
Still processing the husbands transfer and the prospect of living in a downtown city for the first time in my life
The version of me that stayed in Chicago six years ago was very sick
wheelchair-bound
leg brace wearing
zero hand function person
today I’m recovered
hair we grown back
body reclaimed
disease-free
healthy
happy
transformed and radically grateful
I have lived in Atlanta exactly 30 years this year
it holds a tremendous amount of my memories
strangely though I’ve never considered it home
I always thought I would move away and I always thought it would be up north
I love the cold weather
I adore wearing cashmere and very little makes me happier than snow
I’m beyond excited to experience this next chapter
create new memories
walk new sidewalks
explore new stores
meet new people and make memories with Michael
holding hands every step of the way

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