Monday’s

When Michael left for work this morning, I was still in my pajamas
It’s Monday and I didn’t sleep well and I have nowhere to be until this afternoon
But, it got me thinking about all the Mondays before
That was my infusion day
My nurse would come before Michael left for work
He’d set up all the essentials on the coffee table
I’d be in my pajamas
It was an eight-hour process
I was petting Max while remembering and looking at my left hand
It’s always where the IV went in
The bruise would always be gone by the next Monday
I could almost see it and feel the familiar pinch
I could almost taste the saline flush and I cringed remembering the times when my veins couldn’t hold the pressure and blew
Blood would go everywhere
I was taking 1000mg of steroids the first hour then onto a plasma product called IVIG
All on top of oral chemotherapy, sleep pills, pain pills and an antidepressant
Monday couldn’t look any more different now
Meditation with Max may have been in my pjs but that’s by choice
Michael can go to work without wondering or worrying
I saw all this to say I think it’s ok to reflect
Remembering is a way to find gratitude again
The past doesn’t define us
It can definitely give us a story to tell but it doesn’t determine today
Now, I’m going to do floor exercises my Pilates instructor has given me
And I’ll do them in my pajamas
Because, it’s Monday
And I can

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